Smart Ass AnswersIt was mealtime during an airline flight. The flight attendant asked John, who was seated in the front row, “Would you like dinner?”
John asked, “What are my choices?”
“Yes or no,” she replied.
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, “Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.”
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead…”
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
“I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the officer said.
The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.”
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read:
Low Bridge Ahead
Before he knew it, the bridge was right in front of him and his truck got wedged under it. Cars were backed up for miles.
Finally a police car came up. The cop got out of his car and walked to the truck driver, put his hands on his hips and said, “Got stuck, huh?”
The truck driver said, “No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.”
A college teacher reminded her class of tomorrow’s final exam. “Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!”
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, “What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?”
The entire class was reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, “Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.”
A woman was standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, “I feel horrible. I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.”
The husband replied, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
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